I got dumped and made risotto

First things first. I’m not a cook. My mom is an exceptional cook. My mom and I have an incredibly complicated relationship. That somehow leads me to not being a great cook.

I turn 41 in less than two weeks and I’ve never made risotto. I’ve had it, I love it, and I decided to give it a whirl today. Drinking my second class of “dry white wine” the recipe called for, I feel like Carrie Bradshaw (without the cigarette) looking the deeper meaning to this very moment. 

I have always been terrified of cooking - it’s never going to be as good as mom’s. She didn’t have patience to teach us in the tiny kitchen in our tiny house in the French country side. I get it now. I don’t have kids cause I understand it so well. It’s taken a lot of therapy and yoga and retreats and 21 day “fix all” meditations to get to a place where I can cook and not make it about my childhood.

I started with Indian food - literally the jar of Patak’s over veggies and some rice. I tried a lasagna once, failed, and never tried again. I can whip up a beautiful salad and a delicious sandwich and have zero shame about eating a bowl of cereal for dinner. 

So anything that involves chopping an onion and buying mushrooms and stirring in broth for 20 minutes is a big deal for me.

---

About 6 weeks ago I met a 12 out of 10 at a dive bar, with a bunch of friends at a Christmas party. This guy & I talked and laughed and closed the bar down and kissed at the end of the night .
Jackpot.

Twelve was charming and smart and tall (I’m 5’10 so I LOVE tall) and charismatic. We kept dating and it kept getting better.

The last guy I dated overstayed his welcome and I broke it off. The guy before that was only good for one thing. The dude before that and I had different views on politics, but I kept him around for all the wrong reasons.

12 was different. From attractive and rich to emotionally intelligent and a good listener, he checked off more boxes than were on my list.

I decided to be very intentional with this one. Dating him unlocked a layer of protection I’d put up over the past five years. I’d cry with my therapist, confused by these amazing feelings that hurt so much. Her delicate and perfect combination of words would make me feel safe and secure moving forward.

I consciously reacted to all too familiar things in different ways. When triggered, I sat, and felt, and journaled, and hung out with my friends and did things to fill me up. I healed the wounds from the past to make sure not to project them all on to him.

It was exciting to be excited about someone again. It felt good to gush about him with my friends. It was a dream come true to finally plan double dates with all my friends who’d been in relationships for so long.

And yesterday… after a beautiful bubble bath… I checked my phone.

“Hey, are you free to talk?”

Sent 20 minutes ago. Fuck. 

“Yeah - all ok?”

2 minutes later, the phone rang.

I took a deep breath.

“Hey, I respect you enough not to waste your time. I just don’t feel a spark the way I want to after this kind of time with someone. You’re incredibly beautiful, the sex is great, we have so much fun, I just don’t feel the spark. And want to waste your time”.

Side note: I cant tell you how many times in the last 5 years I’ve had men say these exact words to me.

I stood in the kitchen a little struck. It was like whiplash. All of a sudden this little made up future for us is gone. My weekend was now open with no plans of a date or sleep over. I waited for the pain. I waited for the hurt. The disappointment to hit. I waited for the tears.

Nothing.

I called my friend in shock, she’d then in shock, we both share the same bummed out sigh. Another one bites the dust. 5 cigarettes and 90 minutes later, I got off the phone and went about my evening. Feeling…fine.

Things come into our lives to test us, to teach us, to help us. And this experience TRULY 100% was that. It was exactly what I needed at the time, and it’s OK that it ended. I thought about our imagined future and watched it evaporate, knowing full well “if not this, then better”.

And I woke up this morning feeling free. And empowered. It’s the first time in my life I’ve felt this way after a breakup, and I think this is what this article is about.

What I could have done differently? Nothing.
Should I feel an all-encompassing amount of shame for screwing up again? Absolutely not.
Is there guilt about not being pretty or skinny or sexy enough? Fuck no..

With that, I went about my day and decided to look up “risotto”. Why? Who fucking knows. But it’s a meal I’ve been avoiding to make for as long as I’ve had a kitchen.
The freedom I feel as a woman I’ve grown into, the woman I finally enjoy being and the woman that one hundred million percent deserves someone who is incredible, was new.

After this break up, I felt free. Instead of being so sad that this incredible relationship with Twelve would save me, fix me, fill the missing gaps in my life, show me my worth, I feel like it was a gift.

It was a lesson; a bridge to the next big thing. It was a reflection of myself worth and the ability to respect his decision instead of making it about me and my flaws, Twelve was the human who helped me take down a shield I’d put up to protect myself.

And for all of that, I’m more grateful than I am sad.

I tried something and got father than I ever have. It didn’t go in the direction I’d planned but it took me where I know I need to be. And I went ahead and tried my hand at mushroom risotto. And it’s fucking delicious.

Meditation Coach? Why hiring a meditation coach is a game changer.

Hire a meditation coach and stop struggling to sit down and meditate. In general, one of the main deterrents of starting a meditation practice is lack of time or not knowing how to.

What is a meditation coach?

There is a wellspring inside of you. This space is called your “soul, higher self, whole self”, and it’s there, all the time. Love, joy, freedom and peace reside within, making you whole, no matter what. Questioning that right now is totally normal. Say hi to your ego for me.

Meditation helps us on our journey back, so we can begin living from love instead of reacting from fear.

Our connection to this wellspring has been drastically altered by societal expectations, subconscious reprogramming, and childhood trauma. 

Examples of this are needing constant validation, affirmations, applause, more cute shoes, two desserts. Something lights up in our brain when we get that immediate high we get when someone tells us “good job”. That feeling of release when you light up that cigarette. That glorious sensation when you take that first bite of ice cream, knowing there’s plenty there to keep you company for a while. 

That’s ego. That’s years of conditioning. That's habits.  Old programming. It’s the same voice telling you “fuck meditating. We have better things to do”.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” - Deepak Chopra

Meditation Coaching

Meditation is a life changing practice but there are a million and one reasons it feels almost impossible to sit still. Consciously choosing to not do anything is counterintuitive for sure. Working with someone or a group can help jumpstart your practice and shift your approach on meditating. There are so many meditation spaces in most major cities, but times might not work out or being in a space with others can be intimidating. Hiring a meditation coach can be life changing, and once you get used to doing something every day, it becomes a habit. You outgrow the coach, and you sink into a new lifestyle. 

I offer packages with an end result in mind. And it will change everything. 

I offer 21 days (3 weeks) $399
30 days (1 month) $499
10 weeks - what science says it takes (66 days) to form a habit. $599

Private meditation coaching in an incredible way to dive into this new way of being. Having a coach quiets all the noise and saves you time. My sessions are led by where you are in your life, and my intuition will guide me towards what is needed most. You will start with three minutes with me and end with a daily 30 minute meditation. Private meditation coaching is a way to step up your game, connect with your higher self, calm your nervous system and give you the leg up in anything you’re working towards. Private meditation coaching with me involves incredibly personalized daily meditations, journal prompts, encouragement and access via email, whatsapp or facetime. Private meditation coaching with me also includes fantastic book reccomendations so you aren’t wasting your time going through the millions that are out there.

You can hire a private meditation coach for your company, your team, yourself. Meditating is the best time investment you can make. It's a mental stretch for the marathon ahead. It's an energetic massage for the internal knots your mind is holding on to.
You can change your life, your outlook, your relationships from the inside out.

Another blog about meditating

Meditation is one of those things people tell you will change your life. You download the apps. Put it off until evening. Til the next day. Next week. Maybe next month...OK maybe it’ll be my resolution for 2021.

While even only three minutes will be helpful, it’s easy to resist getting silent and still. In a world where doing a bunch of shit at once is the norm, it almost feels impossible, lazy or even scary. What happens when the TV is off. When there's no one to spend a Friday night with. When we’ve been laid off and don't know what will fill up our days...

”Why are you so petrified of silence. here you can you handle this….Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines, or when you think you’re gonna die, or did you long for the next distraction” - Alanis Morrissette

This isn’t easy stuff. But it’s good stuff.  Let’s get into it.

When we fill up our days to avoid our thoughts, to avoid being alone, to avoid being bored, we act out of fear. We fill up our lives with mundane and useless things. We normalize feeling a certain way (even if it’s not good) to avoid doing the hard work. We stay in relationships or jobs to avoid hurting anyone. This is acting out of fear. And self preservation. And that’s OK. We are human, and this is what we do.

YOU get to feel good!

When you meditate, a deeper part of you may feel relaxed. Maybe you’re physical body will feel a sense of relief. Sometimes just reminding ourselves of how great we CAN feel is enough to get us started. You don’t need to complain your  life away. You don’t have to live on auto pilot. You don’t need to stick to those old toxic habits.
You are here to feel good. To figure out your calling. To be surrounded by people who support you and your vision. You are here to be your authentic self.

YEAH, but…

Acting out of fear, keeping you in your comfort zone, denying you the benefits of changing yourself for the better all come from the same place. Your frenemy, the ego.
Your ego wants you to stay comfortable where you are, and meditating will propel you into peace.
Your ego wants you to make excuses and not move forward. Meditation will connect you to your higher self who knows what you’re capable of.
Ego wants you to stay judgmental and in need of external validation. Meditation allows you to feel complete and whole just as you are.

LET’S get to it

There is a wellspring inside of you. This space called your “soul, higher self, whole self”, and it’s there, all the time. Love, joy, freedom and peace reside within, making you whole, no matter what. You questioning that right now is totally normal, say hi to your ego for me.

Meditation helps us on our journey back, so we can begin living from love instead of reacting from fear.

Our connection to this wellspring has been drastically altered by societal expectations, subconscious programing, childhood trauma. Examples of this are needing constant validation, affirmations, applause, more cute shoes, two desserts. Something lights up in our brain when we get that immediate high we get when someone tells us “good job”. That feeling of release when you light up that cigarette. That glorious sensation when you take that first bite of ice cream, knowing there’s plenty there to keep you company for a while. 

That’s ego. That’s years of conditioning. That’s habit, old programming. It’s the same voice telling you “fuck meditating. We have better things to do”.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.” - Deepak Chopra

LIFE on auto pilot

Hitting snooze 8 times before waking up. The meal you eat at your desk while scrolling through your phone. The beer (or spiked seltzer let's be honest) you crack open at the end of the day, without thinking about it. Auto pilot is living unconsciously. Of course we’re awake and conscious, but where is our mind in these moments?
Maybe a commute to work has become so normal, you let your mind wander and before you know it, you get to work and forget half the drive. Where does the mind go when we do the same thing over and over again?

Unconscious and habitual actions take us out of the present moment. Unconscious and habitual thoughts do the same thing. That negative reaction towards your spouse or colleague when things get a little tough? That anger that boils in you when someone pops gum, cuts you in line, is on speaker phone and driving you insane? What about that mean comment you make to yourself when you did something wrong?

These are all deeply rooted habits that, as Deepak says, make us prisoners of our past. 

REACT with awareness

We can’t find the solution in the same place the perceived problem was created. Once negative feelings and self attacking thoughts gather momentum, they become almost impossible to stop. The mind tends to feed itself stories from the past to support whatever is happening. “I deserve this cigarette, today has been insane”. “My co worker has been a dick for so long, I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind!” or ”I always do the wrong thing. I’m such a screw up”
Judgmental thoughts and self criticism arise out of habitual ways of thinking and acting.

DETACH from the stories

Our aim, with meditation, is to live through more of an awareness, a curiosity. We want to detach from the stories of our past, or expectations of the future, and just notice our reaction. It sounds hard, I know. It isn’t easy, But with consistency, you’d be surprised by how little your ego will react, moving forward. 

YOU are not your thoughts

Thoughts are like propaganda - they aren’t real. While meditation consists of focusing your attention on your breath, you allow yourself to observe your thoughts as they arise in your mind. Little by little, you let go of the struggle, and come to realize you are not your thoughts. The profound understanding that thoughts and feelings are transient come to mind, and you ultimately have the choice about whether or not to act on them. Bad moods and spirals tend to happen when our mind sinks into the drudges of despair. We cant fix anything here. The more we try to climb our way out of it, the deeper we sink into it. These spirals happen fewer an farther between, the more we bring awareness to our thoughts.

UNLEARNING what we think we know

Remember, at this point you’ve been thinking the same way for years. Unlearning this isn’t easy. But it’s possible. Focusing on your breath, noticing all five senses, bringing awareness to what is, in the exact moment you’re in, will be the first step out of the negative hurricane you’re experiencing. 

“You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day — unless you’re too busy. Then you should sit for an hour.” -Zen proverb

YOUR authentic self

When you are connected to your authentic self, your true self, the self that lies beneath that layer of crap, you can be free. You no longer have to live in guilt, discomfort, anxiety. You trust in the timing of your life and trust in yourself. You become more clear about your needs, what's being met and what isn’t. Maybe you get clear about the boundaries you begin to set. You notice what you no longer want to spend energy on.

THE present moment

When the present moment isn’t being suffocated with projections from the past or fears of the future, it can unearth amazing potential. By just being what it is. Just because something didn’t go to plan (say hi to ego again for me), doesn’t mean there aren’t a million different opportunities. 

This is the tough stuff. 

LIVE and let live

Our ego feeds on three things. It needs control. It needs to be approved, It needs to judge. Once when tap into that wellspring of love, joy, freedom and peace, we don’t need to control, we can just let it be as it is. We don’t need approval, we know we’re whole just as we are. We don't need to judge, we live and let live. 

Close your eyes, take a deep breath in, and see what happens. 

:)

Manifesting. It's so simple it's complicated.

You’ve heard the term. You’ve probably dabbled in a little Law of attraction stuff. Whatever prompted you to open this post, I’m glad you’re here. So, we know matter is condensed energy. Focusing so intently on something (using your energy) to create your manifestation (matter) is what this blog is all about.
It can get complicated but I’m going to attempt to de-complicate the process. I’ve pulled out the most helpful bits and pieces from books, podcasts and meditations, to give you a (somewhat simple) five step process.

First things first - to attract things, you must become magnetic. Align you energy with what you want to attract. Stay with me here. Magnetizing your visualization towards you takes work, dismantling old beliefs, stepping out of your comfort zone and quite a bit of introspection.
And it’s totally worth it. Ready?

1 - GET CLEAR

I read this book called “Lucky Bitch” cause, ya know, why not, and a part really stuck with me. Imagine you have a puppy in a room full of toys. Different colors and sizes, but they’re all toys. You tell the puppy to get you the toy, and she does. But it isn’t the one you wanted. 

That’s basically it.

The universe is full of unlimited possibilities. But it doesn’t know what to give you. So you gotta get clear. That massive bone? Squeezy duck? The tennis ball? If you say “bring the toy” and the dog looks around at the infinite toys on the ground and most likely bring you the wrong one. Or nothing at all.
We don’t wanna leave that shit up to chance. 
We want to get clear.
The universe is filled with infinite toys.

Want a new job? Get clear on the salary, the position, your coworkers, the location, your work.  Want love? Write the list of your perfect partner qualities and how it will add value to your life. Want more money? Get clear on the amount, how often you want it coming in,  and what you’ll spend it on.
“I want a car” isn’t clear enough.  You could end up with a run down engine-less piece of crap. Take time to think about the make, size, model, color, year. This goes with everything you want to call in.

Be as gentle and you can with yourself and know that what you're manifesting is for the highest good for yourself and everyone around you. From health, to career, from love to money, from garlic presses to hammers and everything in between, you gotta get clear. And then we move on. 

Side note: As you create your list, give yourself permission to want what you want today and be open to changing it tomorrow. Judgement of yourself doesn’t help you manifest anything.

2- FEEL IT

As adults, we’ve either forgotten to daydream or when we do, we feel guilty because that to-do list is forever lingering. Daydreaming is a part of the process and conjuring the emotion of having what you want is a huge part of manifesting. You want to match the energy of whatever the thing is, so feeling it begins to magnetize it towards you. Getting excited about your dream shifts you from negative old redundant patterns to the potential of an exciting and fulfilling future. 

It’s one thing to write the list down and get clear (if you already did this, way to go!), it’s another to be in the shoes of the person experiencing this newly manifested life. Feel it with all senses. Smell what’s around you, hear the positive affirmations and feel yourself get lighter as you envision this. Adding emotion elevates your energy, and your vision becomes more and more clear.

3- RELEASE RESISTANCE

Resistance is the gunk that's keeping you from attracting your desires and manifesting your dreams. By this point, you’ve imagined yourself getting into the new car. Signing the papers on your dream home. Fantasized about the promotion, your dream vacation, the perfect wedding. And two things may have happened. It probably felt really yummy and it probably felt totally unattainable.

If there is resistance, you’ll notice it by a feeling of dread or a voice saying “this is not my story” “I’ll lose love if i pursue my dreams” “I’m not deserving”. These are some of the more typical subconscious programs you got going on, and it's gonna take some time to switch it up. Whatever thoughts we’ve adopted that we aren’t worthy of the life of our dreams, we have to dismantle now. It’s big work, but it’s worth it. 

It's time to disconnect your desires from your shame. What you want isn’t shameful. Wanting something as a kid was most likely a burden on your parents, and you made that to mean you have to keep your mouth shut and be happy with what you have. That’s all well and good, but your desires are your truth. What’s keeping you from what you want to call into your life is a wall of bullshit excuses you’ve created for yourself, or have adopted through your upbringing. And so we release resistance.

Set some affirmations for yourself
Find a meditation that helps
Journal the crap out of it

4 - LET IT GO

You’ve gotten clear. You’ve felt it. You’ve released the blocks and stepped into your worthiness. All helping on your path to becoming magnetic. 

Let's start with what we don't have to let go of-
We aren’t letting go of our daily practices, raising our vibration or being in alignment. We aren’t letting go of the faith we have in our dreams, the courage we have stepping into the unknown and the trust we have in the universe to offer us what it is we’re wanting to manifest.

What we are letting go of -
Letting go means releasing the attachment we have of HOW and WHEN it will happen. Our attachment to the outcome. We must let go of the expectation that our lives will begin only when we have what we’re manifesting. Grasping to this vision creates lack and repels our vision. By grasping, I mean obsessing over the timing of it. Wondering why it hasn’t come yet. Thinking to yourself “my life will be better once this happens”. Holding on so tightly that it can’t do its thing in it’s own time.

A little bit about ego. Ego keeps you in a very comfortable place, so aptly named ‘the comfort zone’. If you’re trying to do anything that goes against it, it gets pissed. And throws tantrums. And makes you feel like you have to question everything. Sometimes its so intense you might feel paralyzed.
In order to manifest what you want, you must feel worthy of the thing. This means defying the negative narrative your ego has been feeding you.
In order to manifest what you want, you have to envision something beyond your wildest imagination. This means you must question your current state of being.
In order to manifest what you want, you must step into the unknown. This means you’re tiptoe-ing out of the comfort zone.
Your ego is here to keep you perceptively safe. When you don't get what you (your ego) want, it’s easy to blame, to feel annoyed, to get impatient. You might recognize those feelings as a slight heartache tension in your forehead or an anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach. These feelings, this grasping to the outcome, are causing more resistance and repelling your vision. You want to let go of this.

Some ways to let go - do things that make you feel good. Journal or meditate. Get energized again by going for a run, watching something funny, catching up with friends. Remember - this isn’t easy stuff.

5 - GET GRATEFUL

You can use this magical step in many ways, but I’ll focus on two here today.

ONE: Be insanely grateful for everything you already have and be thankful for what's around you. Any time you see or experience something that aligns with what you want to call in, thank it. Gratitude is one of those high vibrations that magnetizes your manifestation towards you. Acknowledge the gifts you already have in your life. When you see someone get something you want, check in on your reaction. If its jealousy, (super normal and human, but a low vibration), feel it and shift it. Shifting the energy from jealous to “this could happen to me too”, opens us up to so many possibilities. Shutting it down with a low vibration emotion or thought “this will never happen to me and I hate them for being so happy” will repel it.
Thank the situation for showing up in your life, as though you’re the one who’s received it.

TWO: Thank the universe for granting your manifestation like you already have it. Gratitude is a mindset. The practice in shifting the mindset is so important here. Instead of assuming traffic, no parking, another boring day at the office, try to be grateful before your day starts. Imagine your commute being easy. Imagine a parking spot right outside the store. Imagine something incredible happening at work today. When we assume we already know that the the day will suck, it will most likely suck. Try being grateful for your gifts before you’ve received them, feel it as though it’s happening, and watch the day unfold is amazing ways.

And in conclusion…
Basically, manifesting is like clicking on an amazon order. We don’t worry that the warehouse might not have it, we don’t think about the packaging process and we trust that it’ll show up. The universe is like an excited puppy wanting to give you exactly what you want. It’s like a massive amazon warehouse holding your hopes and dreams. It’s there, ready for to give you what you want.
Get to work, or you might end up with a dog treat full of gooey peanut butter.

Copy of 10 days | 10 thanks

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, or more. It turns denial to acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. ”

— Melody Beattie

10 days | 10 thanks

The reason I want to hold myself accountable to listing 10 things that I'm grateful for on a daily basis is because it brings me joy. It starts my day off on a lighter note, and raises my frequency, putting me in alignment with all things that please me. it's that simple. Gratitude elevates my energetic vibration (total hippy dippy speak, i know) and it gets me out of tough mental spirals i sometimes find myself in.

Join me in this 10 day challenge! 

We spend all our lives trying to be happy. Looking towards the outside to bring internal peace. There are so many beautiful things happening in any given moment. And gratitude allows us to live in that world, instead of the "woe is me" crap that we all know so well. We all allow ourselves to get caught up in our negative spiral. We talk to our friends about it, rationalize it and focus so intensely on it, that sometimes its all we see.
Easiest way to get out of that funk? Just get grateful.

I have written some simple tips on how to incorporate gratitude to your daily routine. Give it a shot! And enjoy the unfolding of this experince. 

Keep it simple

Look up, look out, move your head a little more to the left or right.  Find a color you love. Maybe listen for a sound that brings you joy. A latte being made, a bird perched on a parked car outside. Do you have your health? Are you having a good hair day? Did you eat a breakfast that filled you up this morning?
As a sufferer of major and anxiety and depression, this stuff used to seem so mundane. Thinking "I'm thankful for my ability to walk" seemed pointless. But its not. The simpler the gratitude, the more you incorporate it in your life, the bigger the thanks, the better you feel.

Write it out

Purchase yourself a fabulous journal. Spend the time with this.  I prefer lined notebooks with nice thick paper.  I'm not a fan of spiraled books cause they get caught and snag on things in my purse. My favorite pen to use is a pilot - for some reason my hand writing just looks better. And because i enjoy the act of writing with this pen, i write for longer.  Typing it out perfect too. Make a folder on your desktop and just add a new word (or google) doc, dating them every day. 

set out the time

It doesn’t have to take long at all. I like to spend 10 minutes with my morning coffee and my journal. If i'm running late, I bring the book with me and get to it in the parking lot if I have a minute. Incorporating a morning ritual that sets your day up for success is incredibly helpful when battling anxiety and negative thoughts.
You can also up-level your gratitude by saying thanks for the best thing that happened that day, while lying in bed before going to sleep. Going to sleep with clear and joyful mind is helpful in waking up clear, and joyful. Makes sense :) 

Meditate

In mindfulness meditation, we focus on our breath. Sometimes our mind gets caught up in thoughts, you gently come back to your inhale and your mind is back at it. Focusing on an anchoring thought, a word you tell yourself, can be very helpful.

I like to inhale “thank” and exhale “you”. My mind immediately goes towards gratitude and my emotions follow suit.

remember...

it isn't easy.

I remind my students all the time. 

I’m in front of my notebook many times a day. I’m at my computer for hours at a time. I scroll through Facebook, read blogs I wish i’d written, look at pictures of people doing things I wish I was doing. 

Stopping this cycle, after all the years of letting our mind go strait to negativity, judgment, victim hood, is hard. Complaining is like scratching an itch for me. I will complain to anyone who will listen. But it will only get me to the next issue I can complain about.

Remember you have a choice. We can get caught up in the crap or we can stop it, shifting our thoughts towards something more positive.
"Just think happy wonderful thoughts, and up you go" - Peter Pan. 

have fun

Thinking about what you have as opposed to what you don't have, should feel good. It might take a while to bash down that wall of self doubt, unworthiness, the negative spiral. All that is your not-so-friendly ego. Let that voice get quiet for a minute, and remember all the incredible things you get to experience. 
The warmth of the sun hitting your skin. The sounds of nature. A cookie. When you think of things that make you happy, you feel happy. Have fun with it.

like attracts like

This is the fun part. We get more of what we pay attention to. Being grateful for the present moment, for everything you've had in your life, and what you want in your life, is the secret ingredient to creating your best life. The more you focus on that high frequency thought and feeling, why you're so happy you have this in your life, invite the feeling to take over you, and let the universe do its magic.  

xx, LrM

how to release resistance & find internal peace

I recently opened and devoured the book “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. Every page depicting different ways we resist

creativity
stepping into our worth
real meaningful happiness
true love

without even realizing it.

While this blog post is about how to find internal peace, we must first learn what holds us back. Resistance. And it comes in all sorts of forms from all sorts of places, and has been for a long long time. Our ego likes us to stay in one place. To make excuses for not doing the work. To be as comfortable as possible by not changing or challenging ourselves, Our ego is terrified taking the next scary step.

“Quit trying to become a best selling author, it’s not worth trying” comes in the form of a nagging voice you’ve been listening to since you were a kid.

“You’re never gonna lose the weight” stops you with a little stab in the heart that you’ve known for so long.

“Just stay in bed a little longer, watch another show, grab that pint of ice cream” feels like a warm cozy blanket that’s been comforting you for as long as you can remember.

While we are all destined for our own greatness, we live our lives with these feelings and thoughts of resistance without even noticing. We find ourselves starting another list of New Years resolutions while dreaming of a better life, never questioning what’s held us back from not having accomplished them last year.

According to multiple surveys, the top resolutions for 2020 are to feel good about our bodies, our lives, the decisions we make, the way we spend our time. (lose weight, make more money, eat better, travel more). We start the year with the best of intentions, and after a week or two (kudos is you get through the whole month), something shifts. Our ego pleads for us to stay in the same spot, we feel dread or boredom taking the next step, and we go back to our old ways. Resistance has made its little way back.

I’ve been exploring this world for years through podcasts + books, retreats + workshops, energy healings + all the things. . The world of self discovery is saturated with so much information and its hard to know where to begin.
That’s why I’m launching a five day pay-what-you-want course, available Feb 1. The goal for the course is to support you, wherever you are, in your journey to internal peace.

The following are five foundational steps to defeat resistance, get real with yourself, and find the courage to live in freedom and peace every day.

• MEDITATION:

  By bringing awareness to your internal dialogue, you learn that you are not your thoughts.

•  BREATH:

  Learning to focus on something other than your thoughts, we release what your internal narrative is saying, getting closer to your internal compass.

• MINDFUL LIVING:

  Living in a way that promotes gratitude, awareness and patience, we are practicing appreciation of what is, without any connection to the outcome.

• PHYSICAL BODY:

  With more understanding of how works in our minds, we learn where it is held in our physical bodies, how to detect it and let it go.

• SELF LOVE:

  Why? The antidote to anxiety and distress and all negative things is self love. It is the courage to step into who you are and knowing your worthiness.

In this course, you’ll learn about the benefits of meditation and some simple yet incredibly effective breathing techniques. You’ll discover strategic and easy to implement ways of living more mindfully and discover where emotional tension manifests into physical pain. While the practice of self love is encouraged through the whole week, we’ll dive deeper into the complex world of what it is to really love your Self on day 5.

Each e-mail will contain:

research + testimonials
the basics + benefits
bite sized + simple “how tos” in your life
guided meditations

For more information and resources, please do not hesitate to ask! Stay tuned for the course, and keep it up with those resolutions. You got this.

Xo, LRM

Your intro to mindful meditation

Breathing meditation consists of focusing your attention on your breath, which allows you to observe your thoughts as they arise in your mind.
And little by little, you let go of struggling with them.
You come to realize that you are not your thoughts.
You come to the profound understanding that thoughts and feelings are transient and ultimately you have a choice about whether to act on them or not.

What is mindfulness ?

Mindfulness is a mindset from which we live our lives. Instead of reacting so quickly to the outer world, we become mindful of our thoughts. Our actions. Our internal dialogue. Our judgment. We begin to understand where we’re coming from, and if we so chose, we mindfully shift our perspective, using a world of tools available to us. Mindfulness is coming at a situation, at any given point, with zero attachment to the outcome. It’s bringing our awareness to our surroundings with no expectation.

Benefits of mindful meditation

• Brings us into the present moment

• Raises our frequency

• Opens us up to receive unlimited information and ideas

• Relaxes us

• Relieves us

• Strengthens our intuition and ability to focus

• Allows us to hear our inner voice more clearly

• Fills us with light and love

• Puts us in a good mood

• Helps us love ourselves more

           List by Jen Sincero, “You are a Badass”

Some ways mindfulness helps us in our every day

THE ENDLESS CHATTER: Mindfulness helps us notice the chatter that is created in our mind. We can use tips and tools to refocus the mind, like breathing techniques, counting and affirmations to keep it busy while we tap into gratitude and our mental well being.

AWARENESS OF AUTOPILOT: Humans tend to live on on autopilot (same route to work every day), and we live in the past or the future. We live in our memories, triggered by anxiety for the future or reminders of a painful time in our past. Mindful meditation helps us recenter in the present moment.

YOU ARE.

There is a deep wellspring of peace, tranquility and contentment living inside us all, no matter how trapped and distraught we might feel. It’s just waiting to be liberated from the cage that our frantic and relentless way of life has been crafted for it. Our connection to that space has been altered by our external reality.

”Notice what you notice” - Alan Ginsberg

Before we attempt to change our thoughts, there is immense value in simply noticing them. The space between perception and response becomes clearer once we take the time to examine the gap. Stepping back from our moment to moment experience, the way we respond shifts, and we regain our power.

FACT: You are NOT your thoughts

Mindfulness and breathing meditation consists of focusing your attention on your breath, which allows you to observe your thoughts as they arise in your mind. Little by little, you let go of the struggle, and come to realize you are not your thoughts. The profound understanding that thoughts and feelings are transient come to mind, and you ultimately have the choice about whether or not to act on them.

The mental: Mindfulness is a tool that allows you to catch the negative thought patterns before you head into the spiral. A moment of sadness, anger or anxiety can end up triggering us and we end up in a rotten mood. Our brains, then, quickly turn to all other times in our lives where this same situation happened, and finds ways to prove the glimpse of that thought is real. And we end up living in it.

The physical: Our body holds an incredible amount of information. Where the stress lies, butterflies, headaches. It signals when we’re hungry, thirsty, tired. Those are the big ones. Something else that happens is it tenses and tightens as a response to a thought, and without realizing, we react to that. Learning to take a moment to scan the body and bring awareness to where our tension lies is another way to create more space is get curious about what our body is trying to tell us.

the downward spiral

Emotional quicksand: We can’t find the solution in the same place where the perceived problem was created. As we try to climb our way our of the spiral, we dredge up past regrets, old thoughts, our mood lowers more and more.

    Self attack: Once negative and self attacking thoughts gather momentum, they are almost impossible to stop. Once again, your mind picks up things from the past to show evidence and support whatever you’re thinking.

    Judgement: Many judgmental and self critical thoughts arise out of habitual ways of thinking and acting. Our aim is to live through more of an awareness, a curiosity and understanding.

REACT

According to “Mindfulness, 8 weeks to a clear mind”, studies have shown that when you start to feel anxious, sad or irritable, it’s not the mood that does the damage, but your reaction to it. We find ourselves trying to protect ourselves by judging others, only to attack ourselves, and perpetuate the cycle, trying to break free, only to find ourselves sinking deeper into a worse version of the mood.

Conscious thinking

Guys, you need to know-THIS IS NOT FOR THE WEAK. This is hard stuff. This is choosing to live based on openness, the present moment, and awareness. It’s easy to get lost in judgement, anger, hatred and fear. Its easy to put the blame on someone else, and to chose the space of victimization. Mindful meditation helps us become aware of our thoughts, allowing space to choose our reaction and shift the trajectory of our thoughts.

and so…

Mindful techniques help us learn how to recognize unhappy memories and damaging thoughts as they arise. They are like propaganda - they aren’t real. You learn to observe negative thoughts as they arise and watch them evaporate, not once having attached yourself to them. When this happens, you’ve tapped into pool of wellness within, and happiness and peace then fills the void.

My Whole30 Story.

We all have the random life changing story. I can’t shut up about it, so i thought i’d write. It’s been 2 weeks since day 30, and I wanted to write about what i’ve learned about myself, food, emotional stuff & how it all ties together.

WHY WHOLE30? // People asked me why I did it. I’m pretty fit and don’t have much weight to lose. From the outside, someone like me eating carrot sticks and apple slices seemed like cause for concern. Questions like “Why are you on a diet?” & “Are you even eating?” in judgmental tones were constant on a day to day basis.

Short answer: Yes Karen, I eat delicious filling meals and I just want to feel healthy. K, thanks.

Long answer: This isn’t about losing weight. This was about eating clean and seeing if it would make a difference in my mental well-being. I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, and I’ve had horrible eating habits my whole life. I would never turn down a glass of wine and, to this day, I’ll totally eat nutella out of the jar with a spoon. so what?

Yes, I did yoga and I’d meditate. I’d read books with titles like “how to be happy” & “live your best life”, and listen to the podcasts about anything under the well-being umbrella. I’d have soul expanding conversations with friends and gave great advice, but i knew there was a fair sized gap in the self help puzzle I was building.

THE MISSING PIECE // January 2019, time to jump out of my comfort zone already, and I knew that changing my food habits was it. The perfect combination of fear and excitement (and support) propelled me, and whole30 popped into my life. From there, a new question arose: What would happen if, for the first time in my life, I rid my diet of these shitty things and see how it makes me feel?

Short answer: Better than i ever thought.

Long answer: Read on.

SUPPORT SYSTEM // Totally overwhelmed the first few days, I would text my friends things like “what the hell is nutritional yeast” to “is it normal to feel this way on day 4?”. All. The. Time. My support system understood the lows and the highs, listened to my daily qualms and answered my texts even when it got annoying. So, thank you.

SO MUCH PREP // For someone who isn’t a cook, the food preparation was quite the challenge. Hours would fly in the morning as I’d look up a new way to make a crust-less quiche and dairy-less salad dressings. I’d stay up until 10pm making a beautiful meals, only to throw them in fridge for lunch the next day. My grocery lists consisted of things I never knew existed like avocado oil mayonnaise, ghee and coconut aminos. But as it goes, things that start off weird and uneasy, quickly become the norm.

DETOX // I’d heard the horror stories of the first few days. The headaches, the crying, the emotional turmoil. For me, however, it was as though my body was celebrating. I was bouncing off the walls and feeling so good it scared me a little. I didn’t get tired in the middle of the day anymore. I fell asleep easily and woke up before my alarm. I felt clear, grounded and energized.
Yes, I had the required detox zit in the middle of my forehead and yes, i felt the hangover from clearing my system of sugar and gluten. Regardless, it felt like my body had just been waiting for this veil of stagnancy and weight to finally lift.

UPS & DOWNS // Through the course of this meal plan thing (i’m trying to stay away from the term diet), I lost 9 pounds, my skin was softer, my hair was shinier, and teeth got whiter (I’m not kidding). On the flip side, at the gym, I’d feel weak physically, which left me feeling weak emotionally. I wanted to quit several times. I went through some tough days, unable to turn to my trusty pals ben & jerry.

FUELING THE BODY // Meanwhile, knowing every single thing that was going into my body was empowering. It felt like I was fueling my body to support the best version of myself. The control I had finally taken in my life and the direction I was going in made me feel unstoppable. I was able to make some really hard decisions because my judgement was no longer clouded. I had a list of things that needed to get done, and I’d do them without a second thought. I felt proud as hell for getting through another day, and woke up feeling energized, motivated and ready to go. In January mind you.

Fueling my psychical body allowed me to get in touch with my soul and tap into my unlimited potential.

NOW FOR THE DEEP STUFF // I had the tough conversations instead of drinking the discomfort away. I’d enjoy a mug of decaf green tea and write, instead of mindlessly binge watch Netflix. I didn’t hide from the stuff I used to avoid with my vices. I was able to creatively tap into my emotions and work through it, instead of run to a glass (ok, bottle) of red wine.

FROM JUDGEMENT TO LOVE // Through this process, I recognized something and it hit like a bolt of lightening. I make decisions based on what I thought other people wanted, so that I don’t have to deal with confrontation. I make decisions based on fear instead of trust. Through this process, I realized that this is what had created my personal shackles. My self imposed prison.

BREAKING FREE // By feeding my body the right things, it seemed to clear the pathway from the gut to my mind. I know it sounds crazy but its true. It was easier to hear my inner guide, to feel what was right or what was wrong. To live intuitively. And here’s the kicker - If i made the wrong decision, it didn’t matter! I trusted the universe and myself so much through this, that I busted through the shackles of self judgement and criticism. I was living through the freedom of enjoying being me.

TWO WEEKS LATER// While it’s been freeing to eat what I want, when I want, I’ve realized that I need structure in order to expand. I’ve noticed that what used to feel normal, no longer feels good. The fogginess after a few beers seems to be in slow motion and can feel every part of my body impacted. Packing up for the gym is now such a process that I even consider cancelling the class. I’m back to hitting snooze instead of jumping out of bed, and surprisingly, I’m spending more money on groceries, impulsively purchasing the chips, pizza slice, girl scout cookies (i mean, who wouldn’t though?)

DEEP THOUGHTS // 30 days isn’t going to completely change my eating habits, even though I was really hoping i’d never crave dessert or bread again. (that didn’t happen, unfortunately).You hear people talk about how things change your life. This legitimately changed my life. You are what you eat. Now that I’m back to my old habits, and I miss that version of myself, but I know what it takes. A lot of hard work, commitment, time & lots and lots of dishes.

xo

A Beginners Guide to Chakras

Whats a CHAKRA? // You may have heard the term in a yoga class. You may know nothing about them. They’re such an integral part of the energy and wellness world, and we live by them, unknowingly, on a daily basis. We all have them, and with enough knowledge, we can slowly gain clarity over how each one affects our lives. How we can learn from them and how to grow into our authentic best badass-est selves through them.

Personal experience // Through chakra work, I’ve experienced absolute bliss after having them opened and cleared. Through work on clients, I’ve felt the heat of stagnant energy of them unopened. I’ve experienced a great deal of pain, manifested in my solar plexus because the chakra, and felt the weight lifted after having it cleared. (More on what it takes to open your chakras later in the post).

Let’s get to it // Chakra means “wheel” in Sanskrit. You can visualize them as energetic wheels though out the body. There are seven (main ones) that we’ll be talking about here. They line up, from top to bottom, from the base of your spine to just above the crown of your head. They are wheels of energy that connect the consciousness to the physical body, and they either spin (unblocked, open, healthy) or stagnant (blocked, closed, unhealthy).

And this is what we’re diving in to here today :)

healthy vs. not so healthy charkas// A life with healthy and balanced chakras is a life we love. We experience the truest, most aligned version of ourselves. We feel worthy of health and happiness and don’t settle for anything less. We have faith that the universe has our back, and we live abundantly whatever that means to us. On the flip side, a life with unbalanced chakras is one that feels heavy. Stagnant. Enclosed and caved in. Where we are the victims of our own lives. We turn to unhealthy habits as distractions, and don’t let life in. Scared for the future, we feel the weight and burden of unknowing.

Delving into each chakra is getting to know yourself a little better. It’s an insightful journey to the depths of you. We will take it step by step, so no need to be overwhelmed thinking “well shit, how do I overhaul my entire life?”. In this article, I mention how you feel when yours chakra are opened or closed. If you resonate with any of them, just breath through it, don’t judge yourself (this is part of the self healing process) and keep reading for tips on what to do.

Let’s get started, shall we?

---

The Root Chakra:

(Oriented toward survival. Located at the base of the spine.)
OPEN: You feel safe and stable in your life. Comfortable in your own skin and grounded. You accept abundance in your life, and can stand on your own two feet when things aren’t going your way. You have faith in your actions, your self as a whole, and the universe.
CLOSED: You feel heavy and lethargic. Unfocused, scattered and restless in a job, home, friendships. You live in a lack mindset. You are unable to manifest material things you want in your life, including money.

the Sacral Chakra:

(Center of sexuality, emotions, pleasure. Located at lower abdomen):
OPEN: You are in touch with your sensuality and express your emotions easily. You enjoy healthy sexual relationships, find it easy to nurture yourself and surrender to the flow of life.
CLOSED: You may live in emotional turmoil, have frequent mood swings and overly depend on others for emotional support. You may also have a tenancy to block your emotions, feeling empty and lonely.

the Solar Plexus Chakra:

(Represents confidence, power and assertiveness. Located in the solar plexus):
OPEN: You have passion for your life, and a strong sense of self worth. You feel confident and a have good sense of your personal power. You enjoy spontaneity, take on challenges and are empowered through out your path.
CLOSED: You may be stubborn in your outlook on life, and have a tendency to be controlling. You may also lack energy, are weak willed and allow others to dictate your life. Passive aggressive behavior then ensues, because you can’t say no.

the Heart Chakra:

(Represents love for others and self. Located in the heart space):
OPEN: Your relationships are open and loving. You are compassionate towards yourself and others. You are comforting and kind to people without the need to fix them or their situation. You aren’t judgmental, and forgive easily.
CLOSED: You may experience jealousy, possessiveness, and lack self love. You seek constant outside validation. You may also have a tendency to withdraw from people, becoming cold and protective of yourself. You can be quite judgmental, have a hard time forgiving, and refrain from relationships completely.

the Throat Chakra:

(Source of communication. Located in the throat)
OPEN: You express yourself honestly and feel true to your authentic self. You have clear communication and live by your own truth. You are a good listener to others, and can hear your inner voice very clearly.
CLOSED: You might be big talker, dominating the conversation. You enjoy gossip, complaining, and have no problem speaking negatively about others. Alternately, you might find it hard to express yourself, have a fear or speaking, and feel shy and withdrawn.

the Third Eye Chakra:

(Brings us added awareness to the world around us. Located just between your eyebrows)
OPEN - You are clear about your intentions, have focus and purpose. You are in touch with your intuition, any insights you receive, and can read energy well,. You have a good memory, you value the messages from your dreams, and often find yourself and the right place in the right time.
CLOSED - An inability to recall your dreams, poor memory and difficulty visualizing. In extreme cases, you may have lost touch with reality, have nightmares or hallucinations.

the Crown Chakra:

(Connects us to spirit. Universe. Source Energy. Located at the top of your head)
OPEN- You trust your intuition, your connection with the universe is strong, and you live your life soulfully. You live in the present, released from past anxieties and future worries. You honor your sacred life, finding value in the most simple of daily experiences.
CLOSED - You have a limited world view, only acting on what you believe to be true. It’s easy for you to be consumed by material things rather than more meaningful life experiences. You’re rarely open to new beliefs, and stay in your comfort zone.

---

Now what? // Ok, you’re probably thinking: “Crap, I’m judgmental, my throat chakra must be closed!” “I’m horrible with money! My root chakra must be unhealthy!” “Oh yay! I have amazing relationships with friends, family and spouse, my heart chakra must be glowing!”

Baby steps here. Again, we want to come into this with
awareness, and not spiral down a long hole
of self judgement and criticism (again, from experience).

The Grand Central Station of energy // The chakras are like a busy intersection. A major city, a bus terminal, an airport. The roads, the flight paths, the bus routes that lead to this major intersection all signify something. Past memories that are ingrained in your being. Bad habits you subconsciously picked up along the way. Programming inflicted on you at a young age. We act, feel and think according to how we’ve interpreted our life up to this point. And its all in there. Those wheels of energy.

The more you know // As we know, the chakras are the major centers of where consciousness (everything you are that isn’t psychical) meets the physical plane. What we believe to be true, from birth, resides in and effects each one very deeply. You do not want that traffic to stop. That isn’t a pretty picture. We want to keep it flowing and keep it glowing.

“The emotional experience of fear, for example, affects our bodies, our interactions and physical symptoms in certain ways. Butterflies, a cramp, exhaustion - it stems from lack of confidence in dealing with the world and may lead us down negative spirals. The fear, located in the 1st chakra, may be due to unresolved childhood experiences and past triggers, which inevitably rules our behaviour. To heal the chakras, we heal ourselves of restrictive patterns.”

— Anodea Judith

What we are is reflected back to us // What we generate inside, due to past events, reactions, circumstances and habits determines what we receive in our lives. It makes sense, then, to want to generate positive energy, clean out those chakras, update the habits and discard outdated programming.

Whatever you do to heal yourself on the inside is reflected back to you on the outside.

No self judgement, please // Looking at these things in your life can be scary and take time. Lots of time. I’ve been doing this for years. It gets overwhelming sometimes, as do any challenges that push you to be the best version of you.
Its a lot of work, but its worth it.
Just take it one breath at a time. One reaction at a time.
You becoming a little more aware of the control you have over your life is step one, and just go slowly from here.
The more conscious you are of where your energy stands, the more we can slowly step into the necessary changes and create a more balanced, meaningful and aligned life.

---

Ways to clear the chakras

meditations

yoga postures

mantras

crystals

candles

foods

Energy healing

reiki

visualization

If you have any questions or information on more in depth resources, please do not hesitate to contact me. I am offering a two hour chakra workshop on February 23rd in Phoenixville, where I’ll show you specific physical moves we can do to generate positive energy, mantras, discuss crystals and guide you though a full meditation.

Thank you for skimming ;)

xx, LrM

How Reiki can help you stick to your 2019 resolutions

New year, new you. Right? Heck yes! I’ve made New Years resolutions for as long as I can remember. Starting Jan 1, I’ll start jogging first thing in the morning. Starting Jan 1, I’m totally cutting out sugar. Starting Jan 1, I’ll be more organized.

The harsh reality // I love coming into the new year with fresh intentions, feeling like a bright and shiny version of myself will be found on the other side of this made up threshold. It's exciting and motivating, so we go through the first few days of the year in full steam. But, as we all know to well, putting it into action when the excitement and motivation wear off, is a whole other story. By day 7 (or ya know, day 2), I’ve most likely had a cookie. My sneakers never made it to my feet, and my laundry is overflowing.  

Such is life.

It’s all ego talk // So, here we go. Many of us have picked up some really crappy habits along the way, and without realizing it, we sabotage ourselves. We steer ourselves in a direction that isn’t for our highest good. That’s why resolutions don’t tend to stick. It’s the warmth of bed. The goodness of the pint of ice cream. The simplicity in pressing snooze. It’s the the “I’m not good enough, I can wait til later, I cant do it” excuses. (all personal experience). Damn crappy habits.

“The walls of your comfort zone are lovingly decorated with your lifelong collection of favorite excuses.”

- Jen sincero

Friendly reminder, This is VERY human.

Changing habits // Through lessons I’ve learned in the world of well-being, I’ve realized that wanting something is basically just grazing the surface of something bigger. Wanting a change in habits and a change in life requires a whole lot more work than we anticipate. The key to changing habits and making those internal shifts is by asking ourselves:

Why do we want the change?
What keeps us from making these changes?
Which action do we take to step into that bright and shiny version of ourselves?

Negative energy // Those blocks, the harsh internal voice, the ego, the comfort zone and those excuses, the reasons our resolutions don’t stick, it’s all energy. It’s the anxiety that keeps you frozen, and the walls that keep you shut down. It’s the heavy shit that keeps you from allowing yourself to believe in the incredible potential you have as a human. It manifests as perpetual headaches, the knot in your stomach, the pain in your shoulders.

How Reiki can help with that// Reiki is infinitely more intelligent that the confines of the ego. It allows you to connect beyond anything you already deeply believe, and can shift your thoughts, beliefs and actions on an incredibly deep level. While our ego builds walls to any sort of possibility (‘there is no way i’m deserving of that love” or “I could never make the kind of money I truly want”), Reiki allows relaxation of the mind, the opening of your imagination, and connection to your inner wisdom.

Shifting from low to loved // The practice is based on the idea that unseen life force energy flows through us. If one’s “life force energy” is low, then we are likely to feel stuck, stressed and anxious, unable to get our shit together, unable stick to the intentions and eventually sink back into old habits. A reiki session helps shift the energy from low to peaceful, connected and loved.

Step into your best self // What would happen if you came to your new 2019 resolutions with a deep trust in the process and love for yourself? Reiki helps reset those deep limiting beliefs, and rebuilds that self confidence, setting you up for success in the coming year.

Happy New Year, dear reader :)

xx, LRM

How Meditation Helped me Quit Smoking

Addicted

Like everyone who’s ever been a smoker or is currently one, I’ve had an “it’s complicated” relationship with cigarettes. I look back at pictures from the past few decades, skinny little thing in a mini skirt, on my red scooter, a little cig hanging from my lips. Dancing on the beach in a white dress, accessorized by a pack of smokes & a bright pink lighter in my hand. Teaching my friends yoga on cape cod, a beer and Marlboro light in hand in tree pose. As one does, I started smoking because I thought it was cool and all my friends were doing it. The bonding experience you have with a fellow smoker is like non other. And so, at 22, many wonderful friendships and a horrible habit was made.

Smoking for me was 50% relaxation, 50% stress inducing. I didn’t always feel great after smoking them, but I suppressed that reality because I was, you guessed it, addicted AF. Even if I didn’t want one, my brain would say “oh, you’re having coffee, gotta light up.” “Oh, something pissed you off and you don’t want to deal with it, must light up.” “Oh, you’re walking from your car to the building, time to light up”. And so, without even knowing, the automatic response & triggers took over.

not the first time…

I celebrated wins with cigarettes, and I smoked through the hard stuff. I smoked like a chimney when my dad was going through chemo. I chain smoked during his funeral, and went through pack after pack the year after his death.

I’ve tried to quit several times, to inevitably fall back into the grips of the triggers and automatic responses. This past time wasn’t planned. There was no count down to a birthday or new years or anything. It just happened, about 6 months ago, and I wanted to write about how and why this time has stuck.

living mindfully

As you know by now, I’m a huge proponent of meditation. I’ve written about its benefits and have incorporated as many mindful techniques into my day to day life. I was lucky to join a community of incredible women in an intensive 8 week mindfulness course, and came out of it with new tools that have changed my life. One of the many things I’ve taken from the class is the idea of asking yourself why. Why do you feel the need to keep talking when you’re nervous. Why the need to say hurtful things. Why the need to interrupt a heartfelt story. We were taught to mindfully listen, walk, eat, stare into one another’s eyes (that’s besides the point, but let me tell you it takes a LOT of willpower and mind control to do that for 2 strait minutes).

I started incorporating these questions in my day to day. So, why the need to smoke? Along with the course, the questions and intense readings, we were asked to meditate daily. What meditation does, in a nut shell, is allow your brain to slow down. To focus less on your thoughts and more on your gut. It allows you to notice instead of react. It allows you to notice that internal voice instead of falling victim to it. It answers the why.

slow motion

One morning, I noticed my body move towards the cabinet where I keep my pack of Marlboro slims. Perfect mug of coffee in my hand, birds chirping outside, the ideal equation for my first morning cigarette. But it was like it was all moving in slow motion. The normal urge that usually pulls me strait to the pack slowly turned into a case by case scenario. It wasn’t the usual

I NEED A CIGARETTE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT I’D DO IF I DONT HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW - ——> Smoke ——> sweet relief i’m safe and all is well in the world.

but

I feel the need to have a smoke —-> find pack of smokes in my bag ——> flick the lighter, put the flame to the tip of the cig ——> inhale & exhale ——-> i’m safe and all is right in the world.

What used to be an automatic response to a .5 second reaction was now in slow motion. What meditation had done was allow me to become aware of my thoughts instead of immediately act on them.

avoidance

Not only did meditation allow me to truly notice the process of the present moment as an observer, it also allowed me to be in the moment without distraction. Cigarettes allowed me to not face what I was feeling. To avoid any discomfort. Tension in the body? My good friend Malboro is gonna prompt me to breath deeply, exhale with a sigh of relief, and I’ll go my merry way. If I dont feel better, I’ll smoke another one until the anxiety subsides. Cigarettes let me release whatever drama and bullshit my ego was feeding me. I noticed that meditation had stepped in and did that for me.

my fellow smokers

I think of the smokers I know who struggle with it, the same way I did for over a decade. Throwing the outcome into the future, thinking they’ll be stronger tomorrow than they are in this moment. The thing is, the second you want to change something for the better, the ego is screaming “BUT your life will flip upside down if you don’t have this right now. You cant change your life, you cant have control over this, this is what you know well and you like it, so stay here!!!”
And so, we stay there. We listen to that voice, and light up.

Through out our lives, our thoughts have kept control over us. Through meditation, you take back the control. Meditation literally slows that shit down. You see it, you feel it, you hear it. You have the actual mental clarity and space to just notice and go about your fabulous little day, not smelling like an ashtray, not standing in the snow freezing your fingers off.

it hasn’t been an easy road

Don’t get me wrong. This hasn't been easy. This has been incredibly difficult and I still miss the habit every day. There is nothing better than sitting at a cafe with a well deserve glass of red wine after a long day and lighting up. When I’m tempted, I take massive deep breaths. I put my fingers to my mouth with a fake cigarette (I know, so lame), close my eyes, and let it go. Truly. I’ve come to terms with the face that I ma have to do for the rest of my life.

As difficult as its been, I know it doesn’t have control over me. I am stronger than that addiction, and mediation helped me see that. Give it a shot. You’ll hear that loving inner voice, you’ll notice you're incredible inner strength and you’ll realize you have total control over everything in your life.

Xx

Liz

How does Reiki help with Anxiety?

Reiki for Anxiety - whats the connection?

Reiki is a form of energy healing that’s been in existence for over a century, and something that’s been popping into the self help world for quite some time. I’d never heard about it until about a year ago, when I dove into the world of energies and having purchased my 834th book about it. The multitude of layers of information held in our body within our chakras blew my mind. The narrative in our heads we basically live by due to our subconscious blocks changed my life. Pranayama, breathwork and healing has saved me in times of despair. When I saw the ad for “become an energy healer” in the local newsletter (i’m not kidding), I signed up. and my reiki journey began.

ABOUT REIKI

Rei - the Japanese word for “Higher Power” and Ki - the Japanese word of “life force energy”. Reiki allows the flow of positive universal life energy to you. I’ve worked with people who’s internal conflicts have manifested into physical pain. Reiki allows the unveiling of some deep rooted shit. It disrupts the stagnant energy we’ve been holding on for so long. It takes you to a place of peace, of calm, of connection within.

A LITTLE ABOUT ANXIETY

We are all very away that anxiety is the body’s physical reaction and natural response to stress. It’s a feeling of fear or concern of what is to come. Everyone feels it differently, in different parts of their body. It might be butterflies, it might be a headache, might be pain in your stomach or neck. As we know, being busy is a label of honor. Fast paced is the way society is manufactured. Striving to keep up with everything can cause stress, blockages and yup, you got it, anxiety

Symptoms include

• increased heart rate

• rapid breathing

• restlessness

• trouble concentrating

• difficulty falling asleep

• powerful negative thoughts

• feeling of losing sense of control

(any of these sound familiar?)

What happens in a reiki session?

When you are in a reiki session, someone who has been attuned to the powerful healing energy of the universe (I know, stay with me) sends that energy to you, through them. You lay on a comfortable bed, soothing music in the background, crystals & essential oils tend to be involved. A serene, calming and respectful environment can sometimes be just enough to let got of that backpack of crap you’ve been carrying around for too long.

Reiki is the loving universal force and can be sent to a specific point of the body that is in pain. It can help bring up a block you have about money or love to the surface. It can be as simple as calming you down so much you relax and maybe fall asleep for the first time in weeks.
In a reiki session, you feel a connection to inner peace. When we let go of anxiety for several minutes, our mind rewires itself. We cant get to where we want to go in an anxious state. We must be in an energetic vibration to what we want, and to do that, we must calm the mind and body.

We are given the permission and safe space to let go of what isn’t serving us. We can let go of the narrative our head has been telling us for years. We can connect to our true selves, to live our lives according to our best interest. This self help stuff is where its at.

Side note: I’m not guaranteeing you that a reiki session with give you a stress free life, a perfectly healthy body or the magical dream relationship. This is usually a first step into just feeling better. Healing. Energetically aligning yourself with the calm, peaceful you that is so deeply hidden underneath years of bullshit programming and ego driven thoughts and subsequently, anxiety.

Universal life energy, Higher Power, God, whatever you want to call it, has our back and wants us to succeed. To feel good. To be connected to our natural state of peace and well-being. Reiki is the natural process that facilitates internal balance and supports that healing.

It’s powerful stuff, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

xx

triggered AF.

My new favorite word is “trigger”. It encapsulates everything I’ve been feeling my whole life, but never had the word for it. Before this word, I’d have a reaction to something and no clue as to why. I’d feel the walls cave in. I’d hide, (nap), avoid (scroll insta) and numb (donuts). Something would happen, a feeling would wash over me and I’d react accordingly. Does this sound familiar at all?

Self development is such a bitch. Its addictive and great, exhausting and frustrating. I’ve read the books, watched the youtube videos, listened to the podcasts, had the conversations. Sometimes you hear shit and its in one ear out the other and sometimes it just sticks. Emotional Trigger was everything i was looking for, and now i use the word all. the. time.

“An Emotional Trigger is a response to a person, situation, event, dialogue, reading, film, or other content providing entity, that provokes a strong emotional reaction. Often we are not self aware when we are triggered, and fall into reacting prior to sifting through our strong emotional response.”

— www.bethechangeconsulting.com

Violence triggers me. The sound of gum chomping triggers me. Speaking in public triggers me. Being called “Elizabeth” triggers me! It sparks a part of the subconscious mind, connecting the current moment (the news, gum popping, public speaking) to a part of your mind, forcing you to react. And you respond accordingly. You tense up, you get a headache, avoid, hide, numb.

I now understand why I still act like the moody asshole teenager when I’m around my family. Triggers. I understand why I get nervous around large crowds. Triggers. Why I procrastinate, overeat, complain. The more I delve into this topic, the more I realize how much effort I put forth AVOIDING what will trigger me, without even knowing. Hello comfort zone! More on that in another post.

As we know, the universe likes to help us out, always having our back. It also likes to challenge us, knowing the exact moment to make a move, that will teach us a lesson whether we like it or not. Most of the time, not. I write about this now because I was triggered HARD recently. Someone I admire and appreciate made it clear that they didn’t feel the same way about me. And that is perfectly fine. I respect it. It’s not the point.

My conscious mind, my 34 year old confident self with wonderful friends literally scattered around the world, knew this isn’t a huge deal. This does not a game changer and it will not effect the trajectory of my life whatsoever.

But guys. That 11 year old incredibly sensitive, incredddddibly emotional little girl made a fucking scene. She was triggered and it wasn’t pretty. For several days it was all I could talk about with friends. I scanned every encounter we had, went through old messages and analyzed anything that could have gone wrong, could have been misunderstood.
It took over every thought. I felt it in my body. It spiraled and domino-ed. What did I do wrong? I never do anything right. What can i do to make it better? How can I prove myself to you? Please make me feel worthy. Triggereeddddd.

I’m not kidding - these were the thoughts that made their little way to my head.

“The strengths that have helped you to succeed are also your greatest emotional triggers when you feel someone is not honoring what makes you special. When your brain perceives that someone has taken or plans to take one of these important things away from you, then your emotions are triggered. You react with anger or fear, then you quickly rationalize your behavior so it makes sense. You may lose trust in the person or situation. You may lose courage or react in a way that could hurt your relationships in the future.”

— www.outsmartyourbrain.com

Luckily, as it happened, I knew. “I’M BEING TRIGGERED BY THIS AND I’M TOTALLY AWARE OF THAT”. After allowing the mental spiral to take over, I looked at myself in the mirror and realized this current version of me isn’t the one feeling unworthy, asking for approval, begging to make it better. Its the girl who was ditched by her group of friends in the 6th grade, who is still, to this day, healing. Friendly with all of those girls now IRL, I will never forget the pain, confusion and self esteem issues that caused. It wasn’t happening again, but it sure are shit felt like it. The fear, the walls caving in, the ingrained habits of avoiding, numbing, running away, all that shit just flooding back.

No matter how much self development work I’ve done, its incredible to know that these triggers still exist and effect us in such drastic ways. I guess the universe felt the need to teach me a little lesson. To show me what kinds of things I can still work on, heal, send more love to.

Adventures in healthcare : USA edition

Adventures in healthcare - USA edition

I've been on an interesting journey, trying to work in the school system here in PA. Even a part time job working with kids requires a lot, in any state. 


I had to get a physical and TB test. Quickly. So I hit up the minute clinic at a CVS. I immediately judged this, thinking how sad it is to go to a doctor in a freakin convenience store. But I'll tell ya, I got in the following morning. The nurses were so sweet and helpful, there was no wait, and it was (relatively) affordable. 

The TB test came back positive (I don't have tuberculosis, no worries, it's been a thing since I was a kid) so next plan of action is to get a chest X-ray. Awesome. 

I head to a clinic close by and they tell me an X-ray will cost $700, but they'll take 40% off if I pay in full on the spot. It took everything I had not to cry right then and there.

This is the shit i so dread about this country. This is why I was so reluctant to move back. So, of course, I went to Dunkin' Donuts and ate my feelings, contemplating another trip to France. Which would be cheaper than that $700 bill. 

I did some research and happened upon incredibly helpful women who walked me through everything. I was sent to a U Penn affiliated hospital where I walked in, and was greeted with a smile. I paid $55, waited in a super comfortable room, ambient music in the background. Got the xray, facilitated by two very friendly soon to be doctors, and left. All within 30 minutes. 

I wouldn't want to break my leg without insurance great in this country. And buying even 'decent' insurance is the most depressing thing ever. It's a fucked up system for the most part. They dont make it easy if you don't have a corporation behind you. So if you're on your own, like moi, this is a tough and very scary situation. 

But I gotta say, the healthcare system seemed to have my back on this, along with compassionate humans, great facilities & a little jazz. I took this picture right after I left because the relief was so great and i felt so lucky. Never in a million years would I expect to write a post like this.

(Thanks Obama.) 

A blog about overthinking

"Don't think about it. Be about it."

The first quote I heard that got me right in the heart but made no sense. On a post-it since 2009.

I’ve never really thought about thinking and yet, I think a shit ton. About things I want, about things I don't want. About the things that bother me, about my next action. About what that person over there thinks about me. About how silly I must have sounded or looked in class this morning. I analyze, try to fix, label, judge, think think think think.
Thinking, to me, is a no brainer. What i’m realizing is that it requires a fuck ton of energy and is mentally exhausting. But I keep doing it, hoping that some magic thought will take over all other thoughts, and my brain will relax. And i can just be. 

Welcome to the yoga world, where you are taught to quiet the mind, focus on your breath and listen for your inner guidance. Until then, however....

I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking for a very long time. Thinking and feeling coincide, especially for someone with very low self esteem. Does that feeling of dread come from that negative thought? Or does that crappy thought cause the feeling of anxiety? Should we take the time to learn from this? Should we analyze and reflect?
Journaling is great for this. Setting a timer to do this is key, but keep it at 20 minutes cause then your whole day is a heavy, exhausting, thought induced shitshow.

Because of these questions, I've read all types of self improvement books. All about empowering myself, loving my Self, how to live my best life. I listen to podcasts about the same thing. I read blogs about it. I follow instagram accounts dedicated to it. And as I’ve noticed that my brain is on overdrive, I’m literally thinking my way through life.
On the flip side, I’ve always been an incredibly sensitive person, wearing my emotions on my sleeve at all times. I share too much in conversation with friends, with strangers who will listen, with my yoga students. I have cried in public more times than i can count. When I’m angry, you can tell. When i’m excited, i’m that crazy 34 year old lady jumping up and down like a kid.
I know my emotions well, and tend to react to them almost immediately. My whole life I've assumed I'm feeling it, but in reality, I've been reacting. I've labeled “happiness, nerves, anxiety, excitement” and ta da! my brain takes over. I'm don't truly FEEL them, I react, I analyze and I dig into my pile of tools to ‘fix'.

Feel anxious? Get present.
Feel stressed? Get grateful.
Feel sad? Read a book about someone who's had it worse
Feel happy? Am I worthy of this happiness right now? 
Feel uncomfortable? You have anything you could possibly want, so get comfortable. 

The ego is our little friend that wants us to just stay put. To shut out any growth, any hard questions, any difficulty in the self improvement process. I believe that there is a lot we can learn on the other side of our emotions. Thoughts are like a wall that cut us off from our connection to our higher Self. That intuition, that inner voice that is only spoken through heart, not through mind. But its a lot easier to plop a big fat analytical thought on a scary message our emotions may be trying to send us.
What can you learn on the other side of our feeling? 

This post was inspired by a recent conversation I had with a new mentor. I heard myself say “I keep reading book after book, listening to audible after audible, waiting for that one sentence to hit me like a ton of bricks, allowing me to just be”. She reminded me that no amount of reading will get me there. I wont stop thinking until I stop reading these self improvement books, lay off the podcasts and even social media. She recommended I read poetry. I hate poetry, but the point was to allow the words to evoke feeling. To allow said feeling. To just be present in the moment, no analyzing, thinking, filling the gaps, fixing the problems. 

She loaned me a poetry book which I enjoyed reading under the sun on a deck, facing a creek running through a forest. Where I felt. I Enjoyed. I be-ed.

10 days | 10 thanks

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, or more. It turns denial to acceptance, chaos into order, confusion to clarity. ”

— Melody Beattie

10 days | 10 thanks

The reason I want to hold myself accountable to listing 10 things that I'm grateful for on a daily basis is because it brings me joy. It starts my day off on a lighter note, and raises my frequency, putting me in alignment with all things that please me. it's that simple. Gratitude elevates my energetic vibration (total hippy dippy speak, i know) and it gets me out of tough mental spirals i sometimes find myself in.

Join me in this 10 day challenge! 

We spend all our lives trying to be happy. Looking towards the outside to bring internal peace. There are so many beautiful things happening in any given moment. And gratitude allows us to live in that world, instead of the "woe is me" crap that we all know so well. We all allow ourselves to get caught up in our negative spiral. We talk to our friends about it, rationalize it and focus so intensely on it, that sometimes its all we see.
Easiest way to get out of that funk? Just get grateful.

I have written some simple tips on how to incorporate gratitude to your daily routine. Give it a shot! And enjoy the unfolding of this experince. 

Keep it simple

Look up, look out, move your head a little more to the left or right.  Find a color you love. Maybe listen for a sound that brings you joy. A latte being made, a bird perched on a parked car outside. Do you have your health? Are you having a good hair day? Did you eat a breakfast that filled you up this morning?
As a sufferer of major and anxiety and depression, this stuff used to seem so mundane. Thinking "I'm thankful for my ability to walk" seemed pointless. But its not. The simpler the gratitude, the more you incorporate it in your life, the bigger the thanks, the better you feel.

Write it out

Purchase yourself a fabulous journal. Spend the time with this.  I prefer lined notebooks with nice thick paper.  I'm not a fan of spiraled books cause they get caught and snag on things in my purse. My favorite pen to use is a pilot - for some reason my hand writing just looks better. And because i enjoy the act of writing with this pen, i write for longer.  Typing it out perfect too. Make a folder on your desktop and just add a new word (or google) doc, dating them every day. 

set out the time

It doesn’t have to take long at all. I like to spend 10 minutes with my morning coffee and my journal. If i'm running late, I bring the book with me and get to it in the parking lot if I have a minute. Incorporating a morning ritual that sets your day up for success is incredibly helpful when battling anxiety and negative thoughts.
You can also up-level your gratitude by saying thanks for the best thing that happened that day, while lying in bed before going to sleep. Going to sleep with clear and joyful mind is helpful in waking up clear, and joyful. Makes sense :) 

Meditate

In mindfulness meditation, we focus on our breath. Sometimes our mind gets caught up in thoughts, you gently come back to your inhale and your mind is back at it. Focusing on an anchoring thought, a word you tell yourself, can be very helpful.

I like to inhale “thank” and exhale “you”. My mind immediately goes towards gratitude and my emotions follow suit.

remember...

it isn't easy.

I remind my students all the time. 

I’m in front of my notebook many times a day. I’m at my computer for hours at a time. I scroll through Facebook, read blogs I wish i’d written, look at pictures of people doing things I wish I was doing. 

Stopping this cycle, after all the years of letting our mind go strait to negativity, judgment, victim hood, is hard. Complaining is like scratching an itch for me. I will complain to anyone who will listen. But it will only get me to the next issue I can complain about.

Remember you have a choice. We can get caught up in the crap or we can stop it, shifting our thoughts towards something more positive.
"Just think happy wonderful thoughts, and up you go" - Peter Pan. 

have fun

Thinking about what you have as opposed to what you don't have, should feel good. It might take a while to bash down that wall of self doubt, unworthiness, the negative spiral. All that is your not-so-friendly ego. Let that voice get quiet for a minute, and remember all the incredible things you get to experience. 
The warmth of the sun hitting your skin. The sounds of nature. A cookie. When you think of things that make you happy, you feel happy. Have fun with it.

like attracts like

This is the fun part. We get more of what we pay attention to. Being grateful for the present moment, for everything you've had in your life, and what you want in your life, is the secret ingredient to creating your best life. The more you focus on that high frequency thought and feeling, why you're so happy you have this in your life, invite the feeling to take over you, and let the universe do its magic.  

xx, LrM

Making meditation approachable for the apprehensive

The inspiration you seek is already within you. Be silent and listen.-Rumi

hello!   // I honestly don't quite know where to begin with this blog post. I thought writing about my 10 days would be as simple as the lemon water challenge. Day 1 - hard. day 2 - easier. day 3 - now i'm addicted!
Nope, nothing like that. You cant track progress of your meditation journey. Some days are easy, some days hard as hell.

goals for the project   //   A goal of this 10 day challenge was to make meditation approachable for the apprehensive. To invite you to try it. To inspire you to incorporate it into your busy lives. To teach you some tips on how to do it with ease. 
My goal was to show the skeptics that yes, it is frustrating sitting with your thoughts.
That yes, finding 5 - 10 minutes in the morning is incredibly difficult and yes, I too, would much rather hit snooze then get to my meditation cushion. 

starting slow // Starting this new morning ritual was just like starting anything else. Frustrating, annoying & painful. It like leg your muscles waking up after the first jog in 3 months. Stuff was being utilized for the first time in a while, and it was not comfortable. Emotions, thoughts, repressed memories that have been settled, were stirred up, like sand at the bottom of the ocean floor floating to the surface, thick & mucky.
Man, did I get cranky.
I am beyond grateful for my supportive tribe, who would remind me to "keep it up'. The more you run, the better it feels. The stronger you get, the farther you go. Keep it up.
And so I did.

what we know // Meditation is to help you become the observer of your thoughts. To allow emotions, and learn to let them go. To notice anxiety, anger, sadness creep up, acknowledge it and breath through it before it takes over. 

letting go  //The silence, the pause, the stillness can be unsettling.
What will happen when I let go?
Will I feel uncomfortable?
What should I do when a thought or emotion comes up and i cant distract myself?

Engaging and noticing the discomfort is the key.
Awareness and detachment is what we are processing. 

No distractions. Just you.
It's OK.

knowing your why // There is no right or wrong way. The trick is to keep coming back, reminding yourself of why you're doing this.
Is it to minimize anxiety in your life? Be a little more patient with those around you? Cultivate more self love and compassion? Do you want to hear your intuition guide you towards your life path?
It's all there. In your silence. 

after 10 days // I meditated for 10 minutes every morning and tried for 5 minutes every evening. I slept like a baby every evening. I felt calmer, more grounded and less quick to react during the day. I have noticed improvements in my overall mood, feeling less flustered, knowing I can always come back to my tools when I need to. Its literally like a warm bath for the mind, so I look forward to it now.
But it takes time. I guess I needed to write to hold myself accountable for the first 10 days, giving my new morning routine a sweet jump start. 

funny story // The irony of ironies is that this morning is the first morning in 14 days that I didn't get a chance to meditate because I was in such a rush to finish up this post. meditate cause i had to write to the world about its benefits. Ah well. Life still gets in the way. 

TIPS // 
-Designate a time and a space. 7am at the foot of your bed is an example. An altar, surrounding yourself with inspiring quotes, crystals and incense, is another.
-Set a timer for however long you'd like to meditate. 
-Sit comfortably, and close your eyes.
-Notice the inhale through the nose and your body expanding. Notice the warmth of the exhale, and your body releasing. 
-Allow your mind to wander, and sweetly come back to your breath when you can.
-To anchor your mind, saying 'in' on the inhale and 'out' on the exhale can help. You can also count to 4 as you breath in and out. 
-Be kind to yourself. this isn't easy
-Repeat

resources // from youtube videos to apps to more information, here are some links that will get you through your first days. Let me know how it goes!!

Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics    (book)

The Honest Guys   (youtube)

Insight Timer     (app)

Deepak Chopra & Oprah 21 day meditation  (website)

xx, LrM

. 

10 day challenge | Meditation

finally doing things I've always wanted to try (part 2)

“Meditation is like multivitamins for your brain. Good to take it every day.”-livetodare.com

 

There are tons of scientific studies about how & why this stuff works. All the greats do it. People are writing best selling books it. CEOs, newscasters and celebrities discuss how they are adding it to their morning routine. People I admire have created entire companies around it, travel the world talking about its benefits. It helps decrease depression. It helps improve focus. It teaches you to live in the present moment, releasing doubt, fear and anxiety.  Its available to you at any time, and it's free.

During the nine months of my yoga teacher training, my teachers would encourage us to adopt this daily practice. “Start for just 2 minutes. Inhale ‘let’, exhale ‘go’.” I just couldn’t get into it. 2 minutes of focusing on the breath. Nope. It became a battle with myself. Instead of sit and meditate, I would spend wayyyy longer than two minutes convincing myself to do it until I had to rush out the door, only to ignite this new routine of self deprecation. Meditation is such a huge part of yoga, of internal freedom, of self mastery. What was I so scared of? Why couldn't I start? 
A few months later, I flew to India for a retreat where I first meditated 10 days in a row. After a 2 hour yoga class, we would sit and be still for 15 minutes every morning. This is all very "eat pray love" but that's when I felt it. And life hasn’t been the same since.

This is NOT to say I wake up before dawn, sit cross legged in a field and shut my mind off. This IS to say that on the long stretches when I don't meditate, I feel the effects. In some miraculous way, most of my friends are into this stuff, and countless conversations have started with “ugh i feel like shit cause i haven’t meditated in weeks”. We get it. Hopefully you will too :) 

Inspired by the power yet simplicity of the breath,  I joined a mindfulness & meditation course where I got to dive deeper into the practice with 14 like minded women. (nothing better than a powerful group of women trying to better themselves). I’ve read countless articles about the benefits. I am creating a program to teach people how to incorporate it into people's lives. I have brought it into all of my yoga classes and I have introduced guided imagery to kids yoga classes in schools. When anyone in my life says they’re anxious, getting overwhelmed or feeling a wave of sadness coming on, I always come out with the big ol' “you should totally meditate”.

People can be put off by this idea. Meditation sounds a little scary. But I'm here to make one thing clear.  It isn’t about shutting off your brain. Stopping your thoughts and emptying your mind. No one can do that. Maybe Deepak Chopra, but he meditates for 3-4 hours every morning, and that isn't our goal. Meditation is about focusing on the breath and re-directing our thoughts. Allowing what comes up, giving ourselves permission to feel, and coming back to our breath again. Its a beautiful cycle, but its hard as hell. It takes practice.

The reason I’m writing about it today is because this week started on a crappy foot. I realized I haven’t meditated regularly in about a month. Fathers day always sets me off (i love so many of you dads out there, but ya know...i miss mine). The news in this country (and the world, lets face it) is weighing me down. My physical body has been kinda funky and I’m feeling unmotivated. I guess I’ll take my own advice. “Liz, you should totally meditate”.

I am posting this blog early - in hopes this will inspire my wonderful friends, and whoever is reading this, to join! If you’re just starting out, a great app is “insight timer”. Its free! You can set a timer, ocean waves guiding you through a mediation ending with the chime of a bell. Start with 2 minutes and work your way up at your own pace. I'm looking forward to hearing all about your experience, and I'll see you tomorrow for my day 1.

To bust any mindful myths, check out my blog post about it here! 

love & light, LrM

10 day challenge | Lemon Water

Finally doing the things I’ve always wanted to try (part 1).

LEMON WATER IN THE MORNING

 

A little fact about me, I love coffee first thing in the morning as much as I love anything. It’s the coziest you’ll get  once you’re out of bed. I love watching the milk swirl in the dark liquid, like a cloud lightening the color. The smell, the taste, my amazing mug collection, all of it. But, I’m turning 35 soon. My brain and my heart don’t realize this, but my body sure does. Being in the yoga world, you learn to notice the subtle signs your body is telling you. As yummy and wonderful as the coffee is in the mornings, it’s been contributing to some added anxiety, tummy stress and slow metabolism. Turns out, the acid in coffee isn’t the best thing on an empty stomach. So I decided to do change things up a bit. This wasn't to detox or lose weight or anything, just to tame the side effects caffeine has put me for the last (however many) years.

June 6th, 2018. I had just come back to the US from France. Land of dairy, booze, gluten and espressos at 11pm. (I can shoot one of those after dinner and be passed out 30 minutes later). This is as good a time as any to start a new morning ritual, so I went ahead and bought a bag of fancy organic lemons at my beloved grocery store, Wegmens. It was $6 and a part of me was tempted to just drop it and buy a pint of ice-cream for less! But the rational side of me won. And I went home with 8 perfectly plump, yellow lemons.

Is it as simple as cutting a lemon and squeezing it into hot water? You’d think that when I googled “how to make lemon water” the internet would laugh at me. Instead, I found tons of articles on the subject. Turns out, you can leave lemons in the fridge and they don’t lose their nutrients. Solves the plethora of lemons dilemma. Also turns out that ½ lemon in an 8 - 10 oz mug of warm water (not too hot, not too cold) is the perfect equation for someone with my body type for optimal benefits for my new morning routine.

Some quick perks of lemon water in the am:

Aids in digestion
Helps speed up metabolism
Gives you a vitamin C boost
More hydration in the morning
Fights inflammation
Reduces bloating
Good source of pottassium
 

DAY 1) Nice flavor. No big deal. Warm water is comforting. Try to squeeze the lemon for as much juice as possible, hitting myself for not bringing my amazing “fruit juice extractor” gadget I bought in Paris last year. Wait 60 minutes to make coffee and eat cereal. Read my 47 millionth article about lemon water, apparently a full lemon is better, so I’ll do that tomorrow.
Feel like I deserve a metal.

DAY 2) Saturday morning. Realize coffee in bed is basically my favorite thing in the world. A little disheartened that that ain’t happening today. Also, the headache comes on real quick. Not alcohol induced, this is lack of caffeine. Remind myself why I’m doing this, and it’s only day 2! Suck it up. Cut up lemon, boil water and let sit til it's at room temp.  Squeeze both halves of lemon into water, get back into bed. Pretend its coffee and sip enjoyably with pup and B.
A wave of inspiration from sticking to something and starting the day healthily comes over me, so I decide to go to a yoga class before I have to teach.

DAY 3)  Sunday morning. Just as frustrating as yesterday. Get back into bed with a lukewarm cup of diluted lemon juice. “This is good for me. I’m choosing to do this. Stop complaining” I remind my hungover self.  I down it quickly because I can’t eat or drink for 30 minutes after my last sip and I haaaave to eat before I leave. I put coffee in to – go mug and enjoy as much of it as possible before I head out to teach another early Sunday morning yoga class.

DAY 4) Am I starting to notice things or is it in my head? Band practice yesterday was amazing, and I sang some pretty intense 90s songs for almost 6 hours. Axel Rose’s “Sweet Child of Mine”,  Alainis’s “You Oughta Know” and Four Non Blondes “What Up” are no easy feat. But I did it and it sounded awesome. I’ll attribute my expansive and badass Gwen Stefani sounding voice to this lemon water thing.  

DAY 5) Tuesday morning. It's raining outside. Threats of flooding resulted in my driving B to work (ruining my whole morning routine) so I whipped up my lemon water for the car ride. An intense headache overcame me. Read another article saying ½ a lemon is just as good, so I go back to that. Thank goodness. The full lemon was intense AF.

DAY 6) I teach yoga at 6am on Wednesdays, so needless to say, that was fun. No coffee until after the class made for a very challenging hour, but it worked. The students had no idea I was practically sleepwalking, one student even calling the class “delicious”. Honored and amused, I rushed the hell home to make my coffee.

DAY 7) Drank the tart water on my drive to the sweet little town of Phoenixville and stopped off at my favorite coffee shop where I immediately order a dark roast café au lait. Forgot I had to wait the 30 minutes one must in order to maximize the benefits. But I don't give myself too hard a time about it. Start to feel really comfortable in my body, unsure of why. I'm not at any sort of weight that would warrant this type of confidence, but I feel good and i love it! 

DAY 8) Friday morning. I’ve made it a whole week! I’m starting to notice a little more energy, more patience and really beginning to enjoy the flavor. I don't have anywhere to be super early today which takes the pressure off of being somewhere public pre-caffeine. I sit with the pup watching the sky turn from dark purple to turquoise. 

DAY 9) Another Saturday morning. This one isn't so bad. B & I wake up to watch France in the World Cup at 6am and I enjoy my new morning ritual. I have ample time for coffee and breakfast before teaching two classes back to back.

DAY 10) Sunday morning and I don't give it a second thought. It's delicious and comforting. I like how I feel after my lemon water in the mornings. I notice the soothing difference between the citrus of my new go - to drink and the acidity of my once beloved cup of coffee. I do, however, make sure to fill the thermos with my americano for my drive to yoga. 

There you have it. 10 days in a nut shell. If you got this far, thank you for reading.

I mainly wrote about it because it was the only way I would hold myself accountable. Interestingly enough, around day 7 I started feeling really good in my body.  I have this skirt i put on to gauge my weight. If its at the hips, I'm good. If its snug, i need to drop a pound or two. But I feel as good as ever, and I attribute that to this new little routine. I feel healthy and strong and really comfortable in my body. Confused, I asked a friend about this and she summed it up perfectly. “Healthy gut, happy mind”. Makes sense! 
My gut feels healthy. I have less bloating and I feel more energized. I still love my coffee, but I’ve gotten so used to the lemony goodness first thing, that I’m still doing it! I won't bore you with days 11-14.

Bottom line is that starting the day off doing something healthy for myself spilled into the rest of the day. I work out a little more, eat a little healthier and even though i'm not at my ideal summer weight, I feel confident in a bikini. I'm a little more aware about whats going in my stomach and feel like a superhero for having accomplished something 10 days in a row.

 That's all for now :) 

Xx, Liz

Taking the leap: How I became interested in Reiki

S E L F  C A R E  x  E N E R G Y //

Before throwing away a local town magazine, I opened it up to see what the 'burbs of Philly had to offer. The page I opened to had a Reiki One offering. I honestly didn't know much about it but the description intrigued me, the price was right and I took the leap. 

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I'd been going to therapy from the age of 22. I probably could have benefited from it earlier. I suffered extremely low self esteem, depression and major anxiety. Through yoga, mindfulness, retreats, energy healings, chakra alignments, re-birthings and sunset meditations on the coast of Goa, I've become interested the different ways to heal & grow. Beyond conventional therapy. (Dont get me wrong, i LOVE my therapist) and beyond meds.

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I went to the class one rainy Sunday in April. I'll tell ya - I'd never enjoyed being a student like this before. I'd never felt so confident asking questions. I'd never felt time fly like that, as it did in this 8 hour course. Majorly aligned and inspired I signed up for Reiki II. Which I completed yesterday. And it was awesome. 

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This stuff is magic. Please feel free to get in touch if you're interested. I'll be offering donation based sessions for the next few months :)

xx, LrM