My Whole30 Story.
We all have the random life changing story. I can’t shut up about it, so i thought i’d write. It’s been 2 weeks since day 30, and I wanted to write about what i’ve learned about myself, food, emotional stuff & how it all ties together.
WHY WHOLE30? // People asked me why I did it. I’m pretty fit and don’t have much weight to lose. From the outside, someone like me eating carrot sticks and apple slices seemed like cause for concern. Questions like “Why are you on a diet?” & “Are you even eating?” in judgmental tones were constant on a day to day basis.
Short answer: Yes Karen, I eat delicious filling meals and I just want to feel healthy. K, thanks.
Long answer: This isn’t about losing weight. This was about eating clean and seeing if it would make a difference in my mental well-being. I’ve suffered from depression my whole life, and I’ve had horrible eating habits my whole life. I would never turn down a glass of wine and, to this day, I’ll totally eat nutella out of the jar with a spoon. so what?
Yes, I did yoga and I’d meditate. I’d read books with titles like “how to be happy” & “live your best life”, and listen to the podcasts about anything under the well-being umbrella. I’d have soul expanding conversations with friends and gave great advice, but i knew there was a fair sized gap in the self help puzzle I was building.
THE MISSING PIECE // January 2019, time to jump out of my comfort zone already, and I knew that changing my food habits was it. The perfect combination of fear and excitement (and support) propelled me, and whole30 popped into my life. From there, a new question arose: What would happen if, for the first time in my life, I rid my diet of these shitty things and see how it makes me feel?
Short answer: Better than i ever thought.
Long answer: Read on.
SUPPORT SYSTEM // Totally overwhelmed the first few days, I would text my friends things like “what the hell is nutritional yeast” to “is it normal to feel this way on day 4?”. All. The. Time. My support system understood the lows and the highs, listened to my daily qualms and answered my texts even when it got annoying. So, thank you.
SO MUCH PREP // For someone who isn’t a cook, the food preparation was quite the challenge. Hours would fly in the morning as I’d look up a new way to make a crust-less quiche and dairy-less salad dressings. I’d stay up until 10pm making a beautiful meals, only to throw them in fridge for lunch the next day. My grocery lists consisted of things I never knew existed like avocado oil mayonnaise, ghee and coconut aminos. But as it goes, things that start off weird and uneasy, quickly become the norm.
DETOX // I’d heard the horror stories of the first few days. The headaches, the crying, the emotional turmoil. For me, however, it was as though my body was celebrating. I was bouncing off the walls and feeling so good it scared me a little. I didn’t get tired in the middle of the day anymore. I fell asleep easily and woke up before my alarm. I felt clear, grounded and energized.
Yes, I had the required detox zit in the middle of my forehead and yes, i felt the hangover from clearing my system of sugar and gluten. Regardless, it felt like my body had just been waiting for this veil of stagnancy and weight to finally lift.
UPS & DOWNS // Through the course of this meal plan thing (i’m trying to stay away from the term diet), I lost 9 pounds, my skin was softer, my hair was shinier, and teeth got whiter (I’m not kidding). On the flip side, at the gym, I’d feel weak physically, which left me feeling weak emotionally. I wanted to quit several times. I went through some tough days, unable to turn to my trusty pals ben & jerry.
FUELING THE BODY // Meanwhile, knowing every single thing that was going into my body was empowering. It felt like I was fueling my body to support the best version of myself. The control I had finally taken in my life and the direction I was going in made me feel unstoppable. I was able to make some really hard decisions because my judgement was no longer clouded. I had a list of things that needed to get done, and I’d do them without a second thought. I felt proud as hell for getting through another day, and woke up feeling energized, motivated and ready to go. In January mind you.
Fueling my psychical body allowed me to get in touch with my soul and tap into my unlimited potential.
NOW FOR THE DEEP STUFF // I had the tough conversations instead of drinking the discomfort away. I’d enjoy a mug of decaf green tea and write, instead of mindlessly binge watch Netflix. I didn’t hide from the stuff I used to avoid with my vices. I was able to creatively tap into my emotions and work through it, instead of run to a glass (ok, bottle) of red wine.
FROM JUDGEMENT TO LOVE // Through this process, I recognized something and it hit like a bolt of lightening. I make decisions based on what I thought other people wanted, so that I don’t have to deal with confrontation. I make decisions based on fear instead of trust. Through this process, I realized that this is what had created my personal shackles. My self imposed prison.
BREAKING FREE // By feeding my body the right things, it seemed to clear the pathway from the gut to my mind. I know it sounds crazy but its true. It was easier to hear my inner guide, to feel what was right or what was wrong. To live intuitively. And here’s the kicker - If i made the wrong decision, it didn’t matter! I trusted the universe and myself so much through this, that I busted through the shackles of self judgement and criticism. I was living through the freedom of enjoying being me.
TWO WEEKS LATER// While it’s been freeing to eat what I want, when I want, I’ve realized that I need structure in order to expand. I’ve noticed that what used to feel normal, no longer feels good. The fogginess after a few beers seems to be in slow motion and can feel every part of my body impacted. Packing up for the gym is now such a process that I even consider cancelling the class. I’m back to hitting snooze instead of jumping out of bed, and surprisingly, I’m spending more money on groceries, impulsively purchasing the chips, pizza slice, girl scout cookies (i mean, who wouldn’t though?)
DEEP THOUGHTS // 30 days isn’t going to completely change my eating habits, even though I was really hoping i’d never crave dessert or bread again. (that didn’t happen, unfortunately).You hear people talk about how things change your life. This legitimately changed my life. You are what you eat. Now that I’m back to my old habits, and I miss that version of myself, but I know what it takes. A lot of hard work, commitment, time & lots and lots of dishes.
xo
